This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
