Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
