Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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