paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
