hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't turn off my feet"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
