I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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