its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
