been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
