Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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