I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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