I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
