is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
