I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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