he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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