So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
