You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We talked him into tasing himself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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