the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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