he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
