I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
