dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
