Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You ate ashes out of my bong
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
