carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
