I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
