Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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