Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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