Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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