There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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