either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
