genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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