I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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