You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
