Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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