mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
