Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
