I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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