where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
