You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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