I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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