before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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