so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
