i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize