He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
