Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
