jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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