take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish you could order shots online.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
