wrigley field is MILF paradise
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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