whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
