i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
