so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
