I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
