I wish I could teleport
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
