Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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