its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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