so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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