Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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