my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
