Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
