In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
