it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
