I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
