i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
