Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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