Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
