is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
