I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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