WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
