Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize