How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
