My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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