Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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