pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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