So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
