I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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