he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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