She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
