As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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