Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
